When the weight of modern society, the flagging crypto markets, and human existence become too crushing to bear, we make lists. And oh boy are these some listy lists. The trendiest meme coins, the embarrassing-est NFTs, the news stories you’re least likely to read, and everything else important on the Internet.
Chad & El Prof
Markets
BITCOIN
ETHEREUM CARDANO SOLANA DOGECOIN SHIBA INU TEZOS(Price changes reflect past 7 days as of 10.28.21 @ 4:20 PM EST.)
- Despite recently hitting an all time high, Bitcoin dipped in the wake of SEC approving ETFs of BTC and NFTs, once we all realized no one knows what the fuck that means or even gives a shit.
- Shiba Inu, on the other hand, made the exponential jump from a fraction of a penny to a fraction of a penny as Robinhood considered listing it.
- Yes, we do read Morning Brew, too. Why do you ask?
Not meta enough for the verse.
Above we have a candid photo of mega corporations in their natural habitat — milking consumers for all they’re worth while stunting the growth of disruptive upstarts trying to stop them. In other words, the Steam ban on blockchain-based games. Offering real world value to players (and the Philippines GDP) was the last straw.
Who the hell is buying these?
El Prof pivots from ‘3 Duds & A Stud’ to ‘5 Duds’ for a bad week even by NFT art standards. Read his roast of the worst NFT bets of the week, including #LetsWalk, a PPC asking a radical question: What if your favorite pop culture characters… walked?
NFTs take a heel turn.
We got sick of spilling ink on desperate, high profile entries into the NFT space. So we’re just going to list them instead, in order of least to most embarrassing. Because, honestly, what else is there to say?
- Adobe’s Photoshop will offer a ‘prepare as an NFT’ feature. The difference between this and exporting a JPG in 10,000 x 10,000 pixels eludes us.
- David Lynch will do NFTs of who the fuck knows because he’s David Lynch. He does things. We pay attention.
- Hasbro’s Power Rangers will give ‘fans an easy entry point into the world of NFTs’. Unfortunately, not many five year olds hodl Ethereum.
- WWE will join The Masked Singer and KRAPOPOLIS in Fox’s blockchain-based offerings. Illustrious company if I’ve ever seen it.
- McDonald’s will release a McRib NFT, which is second only in cringe factor to the Wendy’s Twitter account calling you a little bitch.
WTF are ETFs?
We weren’t lying up above. We really don’t care about Bitcoin securities or futures. Me, personally, I don’t even believe in time. What is security when the Plague 3.0 or an impending ice age or some white bitch who thinks he’s living in GTA V could pull the rug out from under you whenever they feel like it? Still, if you’re interested in making some government-approved money while you still can, here’s what the hubbub’s all about.
SLOPPY SECONDS
- An oldie but goodie on how to win the crypto status game
- Is my flagging crypto enthusiasm correlated to or caused by Rand Paul?
- On the bright side NFTs are now saving the planet they’re destroying
